


you're the best thing i've seen

by mozartspiano



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 01:57:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15184244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mozartspiano/pseuds/mozartspiano
Summary: Having three boyfriends would be difficult for someone with more organizational skills than William. As it is he has about six breakdowns a day.





	you're the best thing i've seen

**Author's Note:**

> working title: human disaster willy nylander. s/o to kate for reading it even though she “hates hockey” and “doesn’t know who kasperi kapanen is.” 
> 
> title from florence's _hunger_.

off day to do list:  
-call nicke  
-get dinner for aus - ~~thai express~~ korean bbq???  
-wash dishes  
-ask kappy for socks back  
-ask kappy for sweater back  
-text pasta back  
-get ice cream??

 

Having three boyfriends would be difficult for someone with more organizational skills than William. As it is he has about six breakdowns a day. He would probably have more if one out of the three wasn't literally a co-worker.

So he writes lists on post-its and puts them around his apartment and calls Nicke on the way to get ice cream because Nicke doesn't know how to text.

"You're lucky I'm like literally in love with you or I wouldn't put up with this."

"Your generosity is why this long-distance relationship works."

He also writes on his hand in blue pen which is why he remembers to text David and also why he wakes up after his nap with pen on his face.

_i saw the game last night and your an absolute legend <3333_

_Haha would be better playing with you :-)_

He types in titles for his alarms so when he's washing dishes and chimes go off over his bluetooth speaker he remembers to buy food for Auston because Auston bought food for him yesterday and literally spent the entire lunch bitching about it.

Also because he loves him, like more generally.

"It's me," William says when Auston answers the door to his apartment. He brandishes a bag of Thai Express boxes forward with one hand while stroking the wall with the other. "The love of your whole damn life."

Auston takes the bag and closes the door in his face.

Lists are the backbone of William's entire existence, essentially.

And when he's curled up in Auston's gigantic bed later that night, Auston's big arms all sweaty and hairy around him, he makes his tomorrow list diligently on the notes app on his phone.

"You spelt pedicure wrong," Auston tells his shoulder, voice all smushed.

"Thank you."

"Kappy's a lucky man."

"Relationships need nurturing," William says, switching over to his messages. "Even if I'm not actually dating Kappy."

_good night i love you even though your a bruin <3 <3_

"That reminds me," Auston says in his future-captain-of-the-Toronto-Maple-Leafs voice, "I wanted to talk to you about something."

_ilu2 william [heart eyes]_

"Is it about dating Kappy?" William locks his phone, turns in Auston's arms so they can be all nose-to-nose romantic. "I always knew there was something going on between you two."

"Hah."

"Is it the hazel eyes? They're like so dreamy."

"It's not about dating Kappy."

"Good," William says. He puts his mouth right where Auston's jaw becomes his ear. "That would be weird."

"It's about dating Freddie," Auston says. "Potentially."

William feels his heart thud-thump against where Auston's chest is all up on his own.

"Will?"

"Oh cool," William says. "Cool, cool. Um. Yeah. What - uh. Freddie, huh?"

"Nothing's like-" Auston makes a noise not dissimilar to the noise he made earlier when they were horizontal. "We're like friends. He just mentioned something and I thought about it and I think it'd be fun."

"Yeah. For sure."

"And I wanted to know," Auston says real low. He slides his arms tighter around William's back like he's professing his undying love. "If you'd be okay with that."

 

And okay. William's not an asshole. He's dating three separate people who live in three separate cities but he swears, right, he's not a dick.

He calls Nicke every time he remembers to and spends summer afternoons tanning around his pool and gives his one hundred percent blessing to any passing person that Nicke fools around with. Asks for details even.

And David's his goddamn heart, his first love, and the funniest person he's ever met, full stop. He's text messages and skyping on buses and William laughs at every story, even stories about hookups.

But Auston's Toronto. Auston's his team and Auston's in his bed most nights and it feels different and William doesn't know how to tell his boyfriend that he's not allowed another boyfriend when William could be on like Boyfriend Hoarders with his own collection.

 

"He's cool with like-" William wiggles the fingers that are all up in Auston's hair's business. "This?"

"Uh huh."

"He doesn't mind?"

"No, Will."

"Oh."

Auston moves his jaw with a few fingers and slides their mouths together. He's a goddamn good-ass kisser, is Auston Matthews, and William feels himself slipping before he can even really feel the cliff's edge under his feet. Or whatever. Metaphors are hard when there's a tongue in his mouth.

 

The next day at practice William tries to be like super chill around Freddie and maybe kind of over-compensates.

"What up my dude," he says.

Freddie just fucking stares at him.

"Cool beans," William says because he's twelve and he skates away.

"Do you need to be sedated?" Kappy asks him, leaning on his stick. "Because I could sedate you so you never say that again ever."

"Shh," William says. He skates around Kappy so he can look over his shoulder, mouth against the white mesh of his jersey. Auston is in the blue paint, grin big over his big face. Their faces are close - normal close maybe or maybe too close but William can't tell.

"You've lost your fucking mind."

"We have an appointment at three," William says. Auston is nudging Freddie in the side with his elbow. "Also, and this is all hypothetical, but what would you do if your boyfriend - hypothetically - wanted to start dating Frederik Andersen."

Kappy makes a real show of it. He opens his eyes all wide and scrunches up his big fish lips. "Huh."

"Willy! Kappy!" It's Babs. They skate over to join the line that's formed, crowd in behind Naz and Mitchy.

"Seems like you've got a problem, son," Kappy says, because he's pretty useless as best friends go. "Sure wish I could help you out there."

"Fuck you."

"Hey," Auston says from behind them. He's out of breath and all flushed red and William's heart goes all ka-chunk-a-chunk in his chest. "Did I miss anything?"

"Nope," William says and then, because he's being casual, winks.

"Jesus Christ," Kappy says.

Babs blows the whistle.

"Whoever wins gets to choose the other's toe colour," Kappy says before taking off.

 

Kappy picks him a butternut squash orange. Jokes on him though because it goes great with William's skin tone.

 

 **1:44am**  
_Hey I know it's late and I'm so so so so sorry, Nicke I'm like. I'm sorry. Kappy and I got our toes done and then he was all like "Willy we haven't gone out in ages," which seems like a lie but okay. So we went to Kensington and there was a line for Coalition and Kappy was all "my face is my ticket" but I'm more than just my good looks? You know? But then the bouncer genuinely recognized me and-_

 **1:46am**  
_Okay so I spoke too long. That's fine. Anyhow, we played like two rounds of pool and I won every game obviously - shut up Kappy - okay, so I won because I'm amazing? You know this, you're in love with me. So then, um, yeah we kind of wandered home but I got hungry so we went to a hot dog stand and I ate like three Nicke, I had three hot dogs in one frenzy. There was ketchup all over my face. I looked like a murderer or a vampi-_

 **1:48am**  
_Sorry. Last one, I promise. I hope you have your phone on silent. I bet you don't actually know how to do that. You're a grandpa but I wanted to say sorry for missing your call. Also please stop leaving me voicemails because you know I don't check them because I'm not eighty._

 **1:53am**  
_Oh and I love you. Sorry. I forgot to say that last time._

 

Auston Matthews is a goddamn tree trunk of a man. This is nice for hockey playing purposes and Sunday afternoon cuddling purposes and Friday night outside the Pizza Pizza on Queen and William is drunk enough to ask for a piggyback ride purposes.

It is not nice when it is Tuesday morning and William's trying to breathe in his own goddamn bed.

"You're suffocating me and I do not enjoy it."

"That's not what you said last night."

William sticks his entire face into Auston's armpit. "That doesn't even make sense."

"It's a sex joke," Auston says.

He skirts his fingers all over William's spine, up into his hair and tugs. It feels nice, nice enough almost to make William forget about the giant elephant that's moved from the room and into his esophagus.

It's just - he doesn't know how to bring it up.

"Did you want to do something tonight?" William asks, slow and mumbled against Auston's dewy skin. "Or did you have other plans with other people?"

"What did you have in mind?"

William didn't have anything in mind. He was being all deep sea diver, scuba-ing for clues, and Auston's like a fucking shark. A shark that doesn't want to just tell William when Auston-shark and Freddie-shark are planning on going on a shark-date and making some sweet sweet shark-love. And William's like in those shark cages so all he can do is watch from afar. And Kappy's a mermaid on a rock.

He shoves his face further into Auston's armpit.

"What was that?"

"Mffffmmmmm."

"I can't hear you, Will."

"Mfm."

"Your toes look cute, by the way."

William blows a raspberry. Auston pushes him onto the floor.

 

_i miss youuuuu_

_Haha i miss you to_  
_I tried to cuddle krug yesterday_  
_He is not as good_

_no one can replace me!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Haha [smiley] [smiley] [smiley]  
Did you listen to king krule_

_yeah it was cool_  
_weird_  
_i liked it_

_Me too  
Im glad you liked it_

_[red heart] [red heart] [red heart]_  
_what are we going to do on thursday_  
_[eyes]_

_Dinner + movie?_

_[tongue]_

_Dinner + no movie?  
Haha_

_[thumbs up]_

 

"It's not that I have a problem with it," William says as he does squats the next day. "I don't. I'm a super mega chill person."

"Uh huh," Mitchy says. He's lying next to William's mat sending Marty dog videos.

"Relationships are all about open communication. That's what makes them work. Did I get upset when Nicke hooked up with a Spanish underwear model in October? No. Because he called me from the bathroom of his house and told me about everything before anything could happen. Communication. Honesty."

"Yeah."

"And it's not like Auston hasn't done that," William says. His knees feel like jelly. He looks into the mirror at his butt, to remind himself what all this hard work is for. "He told me about Freddie before even really knowing if he wanted to be with him! That's honesty, you know? That's some good relationship food right there."

"For sure."

"Like I'm literally going out for dinner with my other boyfriend in two days. I have an obligation to be okay with Auston wanting to date Freddie. Not even - I should be celebrating this. Freddie's a good guy. I like Freddie."

"Who doesn't."

"Exactly."

Mitchy sits up, puts his phone down. William huffs down next to him, all sprawled legs and deep breaths.

"You should probably tell Matty that you don't feel super chill," Mitch says. His big Mitch Marner mouth looks like a bendy creek. "Talking about your feelings is important."

"But it's haaaaaard."

"Well sure. But everything happens for a reason."

"Okay Socrates," William says. He reaches for his feet just for something to do. "But I'm not like- I'm not allowed to be jealous."

"Maybe not," Mitchy says. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell him."

"Shoulda coulda woulda."

"That...doesn't work in this context."

"Shut up," William says.

 

post gym to-do list  
-don't ask mitchy for advice ever again  
-go to mailbox  
-send nicke a letter like it's 1943  
-pack 4 boston roadie  
-email momma pastrnak re: summer holidays in cze  
-email momma matthews re: summer holidays in AZ  
-email own mother re: LUV  
-buy granola bars (20% off coupon!!!)

 

_Dear William. Are you done with practice? Can I call you? -Love Nicklas_

_im sorry for calling u a grandpa ok_

_Dear William. Let me know when we may speak on the telephone. My hearing is not what it used to be. I may require an ear trumpet. -Love Nicklas_

_[sparkly heart]_

 

"It's getting long again."

"I'll have to cut it."

"I like it long."

"Hm," Nicke says. He keeps frowning into the phone with his red elastic skin. It's slightly too close to his face because he's five million years old and doesn't know how to use front facing cameras and William adores him. "I'll get it cut."

"Oooooh you should do a fade," William says. He brings his feet up on the couch seat and rests his phone on his knees. "That'd look hot."

"A fade? What’s a fade?"

"I don't have time to explain popular culture to you," William says. "Ask Andre."

Nicke rolls his eyes but probably makes a mental note to fucking ask Andre. The nerve of this man, honestly. William never stood a chance.

"When does your flight leave?" Nicke asks. His hair is all lit up from the warm honey of his kitchen lights.

"Soon."

The Air Canada lounge is familiar, now, and they all have their spots. Brownie is asleep next to him on the couch. A bunch of the boys have a card game going in the booth on the other side of the room. Babs is in an armchair frowning at a book about toughness.

Auston isn't back from when he wandered off a few minutes ago. Freddie is also absent. William is Not Thinking About It.

"Where's David taking you for dinner?"

"He wants it to be a surprise," William says, blinking his way back to looking at Nicke. He's looking down at his dishes, but smiles when their eyes meet. "Last time he tried to surprise me we ended up in the Lule River."

"Tell him I want you in one piece," Nicke says, grinning.

And okay. He's doing this now. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Do you ever get jealous?" William asks.

"Jealous? About you?”

"No not - jealous isn't the right word. Maybe I should rephrase. How do you stop feeling - like. How do you get to the point where you can just ask me about David and it's not weird?"

Nicke scrunches his mouth up a bit, has a think about it. He looks like a dad like that, like the father and wrangler of rookies, someone who would help you put together your Ikea furniture. It makes William feel equal parts queasy and warm.

"I guess because I don't think about it like that," Nicke says, slow. "David is someone who makes you who you are. And I like who you are."

"You're going to make me cry."

"Maybe this is more useful," Nicke says like he is figuring out how to split the D. "I do get jealous sometimes. But then I remind myself of how loved I am. And I wouldn't change anything."

Now William really is crying. "You did that on purpose, bastard."

"Maybe."

Freddie and Auston come back later, shoulders bumping. William tries to drown out the unease in his tummy with Nicke's words.

 

_You're going for dinner with Pasta right_

_yep! im just waiting in the lobby for him_

_kk_  
_I think Fred and I are going to grab some food_  
_Then watch a movie in his room_

_ok!!  
have fun!! [smiley] [rainbow] [shooting star] [blue heart]_

_[thumbs up]_

 

"You okay? Not too cold?"

"I'm right as rain."

David squeezes his fingers. They're stopped along the Charleston Bridge and it is, admittedly, cold. The night is a deep purple and the moon is only a sliver and William sidles as close to David as he can.

"Okay, okay," David says and he lets go of William's hand so he can put his arms around him. "I see you are lying. You are not alright like rain."

William giggles into David's zipper where it splits at his neck. His glasses get fogged up immediately so he closes his eyes and sticks his hands into the pockets of David's coat.

"I missed your shiny hair."

"I liked the food tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm," William says. He wonders if the people walking by think they are one body with two boy heads, two bright beanies. "Next time we should take the lava cake home and work it into our foreplay."

David laughs and it's the brightest noise in the whole world.

If Nicke was William's first crush then David was his first everything else. He makes William feel warm all the way from his fingertips to his kneecaps and all the squiggly bits in between.

"I have to go to team breakfast tomorrow," William tells David's neck. The cool air brushes against the side of his face and he burrows a little deeper. "Would it be annoying if I cabbed from your place back to the hotel at like, 3am?"

"I can drive you."

"No, that's not fair."

"I only see you a little," David says. "Least I can drive you back to your hotel before I beat you tomorrow."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes." He hugs William even tighter, hands over the black slide of William's coat. He's so warm and big now with his NHL muscles and shoulders. "I don't make rules."

"I guess that would be okay."

"I hope Auston will not mind being woken up."

Suddenly David's mouth is just like super important to kiss. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with the fact that there's a shark in the back of William's head that sounds a lot like Mitch Marner yelling, "You still haven't talked to Auston, have you William!!!" Not at all. William's just being like young and living in the moment or whatever.

David is pretty chill with it, it seems. He puts his hands all up under William's hair so his beanie falls off and makes William's face go all red from the scritch-scratch of his beard. When William pulls away to retrieve his toque, David is grinning, tongue poking through his chipped teeth. 

"That was nice," he says and then, "Oh, also I got you present."

William pops his head back up, tips his jaw so they can look each other in the eye. "You got me a present? You didn't have to get me anything."

"It is that thing you like. I forget the English word for it. It is not too big and it buzzes and it makes you very happy."

He squints and then feels his cheeks go red. "No. Shut up."

"You use it alone sometimes? And then with me too sometimes. It starts with a B maybe or a V-"

WIlliam puts his hands over his own face. "You can't just pretend to forget the English words for sex things just so you can embarrass me-"

"Who is pretending? I forget. Last time it made you shout so loud the neighbours get worried-" William puts his hands over David's face, smothers him even as David starts yelling, "They come knocking at the door asking if I murder you-"

 

_Did you get lost in the river?_

_No dad  
[angel] _

_Please don’t. You know how I feel about that._

_sorry_  
_no babysitter nicke_  
_[angel] [angel] [angel]_

_Tell David I give him permission to drown you in the Atlantic._

 

When William gets back to the hotel he feels better than he has all week. Things never feel as dire when he’s on David’s couch, in David’s lap, giggling at his impression of Marchy.

And then he bumps into Auston in the hallway and his stomach drops.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

It sort of feels like Auston can see how much David made out with him in his car, idling outside the hotel. Which - okay - even if he can see it with his first-overall eyes it shouldn’t be, like, a thing. It’s not new.

What is new is the bruise on the side of Auston’s throat.

“How was dinner?” Auston asks and he’s standing careful too.

“Good.”

“Pasta?”

“No I got steak,” William says. It’s an old joke and Auston only smiles. “Um. He’s good. He just drove me back.”

“Cool.”

"Are you-"

Auston holds up a little bucket. "Ice."

"Cool."

William looks at Auston’s feet. He’s in Birks and William imagines his bare feet next to Freddie’s bare feet on Freddie’s bed.

“What did you guys end up grabbing for dinner?” William asks. He’s shooting for casual and must miss it by sixteen miles because Auston’s gaze sharpens.

“There’s a shawarma place on the corner,” he says. “We’re just watching the end of the second Matrix right now.”

“That’s um a good one,” William says as if he is an avid Matrix fan and not just a dumbass who’s seen 12 minutes of the first one over Alex’s shoulder on a roadtrip to see family in Östersund.

“It’s not like we’re really watching it,” Auston says.

“Hah,” William says. “Um. I’m just going to go to bed.”

“Are you kidding?” Auston says, quiet but all mad like he does when they fall apart in the third. “If you have a problem with me and Freddie just tell me.”

“I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Come on, Will. You've been acting weird since I told you he asked me out.”

William takes a deep breath so he doesn’t do something stupid like cry or disintegrate into the carpet or zip himself into Auston’s hoodie and never see the light of day again.

“I just want you to be happy,” William says, trying to remember how Nicke put it. "And if Freddie makes you happy then that makes me happy.”

Auston looks at him. He doesn’t look very impressed with his eyes all amber and his jaw hard. “You don’t sound sure.”

“Relationships are all about communication. And you told me so everything’s fine,” William says. He steps forward a bit so he can tug Auston’s shirt with his fingertips. “I trust you, you trust me, baby.”

Auston swallows.

“Okay,” he says, “but you’ll tell me? If you want to talk?”

William nods and then nods again.

“Good night,” William says, reaching up on his toes to press his mouth against Auston’s jaw. Auston’s fingers graze his side.

“Night.”

 

things to do when this flight ends  
-unpack  
-inform nicke of arrival so he is not worried plane crashed  
-buy groceries  
-throw out groceries from last wk that are bad now  
-ask zach for a good stuffed pepper recipe  
-respond to emails re: summer holidays  
-CC pasta  
-auston?? too?? i guess??  
-see if he wants to hang out???

 

William gets a third of the way through unpacking his bag before giving up entirely. He lies down on his couch instead, staring up at his bumpy balloon-popping ceiling, and reflects on life.

“Stop pouting.”

“I will not.”

Kappy picks William’s ankles up but rests them back onto his lap when he sits. He maneuvers them apart to secure a bowl of guacamole between them.

“Don’t move.”

“Can I have some?”

Kappy feeds him a chip. William munches.

“I don’t feel so good,” William says a quarter of an hour later while Kappy is half watching Jersey Shore and half buying underwear off Aerie.com.

Kappy, for all his faults, is William’s best friend. Kappy knows he isn’t talking about the guacamole.

“Okay first off,” he says, brandishing his phone in front of William’s nose. “Would you sleep with me if I wore these?”

The underwear on screen are orange and purple with palm trees on them. “Probably.”

“Cool.” Kappy adds them to his cart. “Okay, next. Why don’t you just tell him how you’re feeling?”

William wiggles his toes and huffs. “Because Auston goes through this all the time! When we first started hanging around I wasn’t even with Nicke yet and he was so cool about it and he’s never been weird and he’s always treated me well. And all he’s asking for is for me to be cool with Freddie.”

“But you’re not cool with Freddie.”

“I’m not not cool with Freddie.”

“Would you be cooler if it was someone else?” Kappy asks through a mouthful of blue corn chip and guac. "Like is it the Freddie thing or the dating other people thing?"

“Maybe both? I don’t know. It’s just like. I maybe wonder if he’ll need me around anymore.”

“Hm.”

William lifts his head up. Kappy’s watching The Situation sell cheap sunglasses with dogged intensity.

“You know what I think?” Kappy says eight minutes later.

William’s playing a little word game app on his phone. “What do you think Kasperi?”

“I think,” he says, breathing in all dramatically. “You should talk to Auston.”

 

Well fine. William’s got more than one boyfriend for a reason. This is the kind of thing that requires a second opinion.

 

 _s_ _o yeah kappy thinks i should talk to auston  
what do u think _

_Well firstly, thank you for letting me know you hadn’t died in a plane/automobile crash._

_omg im fine_

_And secondly - and I know you don’t want to hear this - Kapanen has a point.  
Relationships are about trust._

_boooooo_

_And communication._

_booooooooooo_

 

David is playing Call of Duty against fourteen year olds on the internet when he picks up William’s call.

“Talk to Matthews,” David says being unhelpful and oddly out of breath. “Talking is important. It doesn’t - someone is covering the left flank? Jeremiah is that you?”

“You’re absolutely no help,” William says over the artificial gunshots.

 

_hey  
have u talked to aus yet_

_stfu mitchy no one asked u_

_so no then_

 

Luckily, when you run out of boyfriends and best friends and Mitchys, there’s always little brothers.

“Talk to Freddie,” Alex says through a burp. “He’s probably got like questions and shit to say too.”

“That is actually not bad advice.”

“I’m fucking great at advice.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“You could grab food or something.”

“Cool.”

“Bring it up really casual.”

“Baller.”

“Make a safeword like in Fifty Shades.”

“That’s...not quite what’s happening here,” William says, “but I appreciate the enthusiasm."

 

 _hey freddie!!!_  
_it’s willy_  
_obv_  
_did you wanna maybe get a late lunch after practice?_  
_im buying!!_

_ok_

_awesome!!!_

_:)_

 

“So did you want to get pizza?” William asks Freddie while shooting pucks from the goal line. He stops them all which, rude. “Or did you want something else?”

“Pizza’s good.”

“We could get salad maybe? Do you like salad?”

“Salad’s fine.”

“Or pasta? There’s a place near my, uh, place - my condo - anyways - um, it sells this ravioli that made Pasta- uh- er-nak. Pastrnak. David. Uh, it was so good that he like - proposed to the waiter after.”

“I like pasta.”

William can see Auston watching them from centre ice. He’s laughing at something Brownie’s saying but he also keeps checking his equipment and sending looks at William.

“Okay, pasta it is.”

 

The pasta place is closed for the owner’s daughter’s wedding. They go to the pho place next door, take it back to William’s.

“Where’s Kappy?” Freddie asks as he kicks his shoes off at the door.

“Who knows?” William says as if he didn’t force Kappy into Zach’s car forty-five minutes ago for a playdate. “He’s got a mind of his own, that one.”

Freddie laughs and the tension in William’s tummy goes out with a whoosh.

They sit next to each other on the couch with styrofoam bowls and William’s cutlery. Freddie seems okay with eating in total silence and William holds out as long as he can before he loses it.

He plays some light EDM through the bluetooth speakers.

“Soooo,” he begins. This is possibly the longest Freddie and he have ever been in a room alone together. “Is yours good?”

Freddie nods.

Fucking goalies.

“I invited you over because I realize we never really talk,” William says. He wonders if his conversation would go better in Swedish. “And after like the whole like,” William takes a breath, “thingwithAustonorwhatever I just figured, you know, that talking could be a good, you know, way to clear the, uhhh, air.”

Freddie blinks. “Okay.”

“Cool, cool.”

William slurps up some pho.

“So did you have any uh questions for me? Or like,” William pauses, looks at Freddie and raises his eyebrows.

It’s possible this is what Nicke meant when he said William could work on his communication skills.

“About Auston?” Freddie asks in that cool way he has. “Or about you?”

Freddie has these eyes, right, and they make William feel like he’s drowning in the best way. “About us, maybe.”

“You and Auston?”

“I don’t know,” William says. He bites at his bottom lip. “Everything is just kind of happening kind of fast? And I wanted to check in with you, I guess. To make sure you’re like. Okay.”

“Well,” Freddie says. “It’s sort of a new situation I’ve found myself in.”

“Oh yeah for sure.”

“But I think I’m okay and Auston’s okay,” Freddie says. He stares at William so long it makes his neck prickle. “How are you?”

“Me? Oh just fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Right as rain,” William says, feeling like maybe he’s going to explode.

“Okay,” Freddie says. He reaches out to rest his hand on William’s back. “Except you don’t really seem fine, is the thing.”

It’s like the breaking of a goddamn dam. One second William is looking into Freddie’s warm tree bark eyes and the next he’s tipping his head onto Freddie’s shoulder and just fucking losing it.

“Goodness,” Freddie says, and then softer, “It's okay. I've got you.”

William fists his fingers into the cotton over Freddie’s tummy. His face feels hot with tears and his nose is all gucky and Freddie just keeps petting him and it’s all just far too much.

“I’m sorry for getting in the middle of you and Auston,” Freddie says, sweeping one hand over William’s hair.

“No, no,” William hiccups. “No, every- everyone likes you.”

“I’m not sure that’s true.”

“It- is.” William can’t stop shuddering. His breath is all clunky and harsh and Freddie won’t stop like being warm.

“Did you not want to be with Auston anymore?”

William shakes his head, gets his nose goop on Freddie’s shirt for good measure. “No. I’m stupid about him. Like in love.”

“He seems pretty stupid about you too.”

William takes a few deep breaths.

“I just can’t help but feel jealous and dumb and awful,” William says. “Which I know isn’t fair. I don’t want to feel jealous.”

"You can't help it."

"And I'm not even mad about it, I swear," William says. He keeps his face up against shirt so he doesn't have to look at Freddie's eyes and the conversation doesn't become like, real. "I just don't really know how to draw boundaries anymore, you know?"

Freddie's chin rests on top of his hair. "Not really. Want to tell me about it?"

"It's like. Okay." His big dustpan hands are so smooth along William's back. "I just miss him already? Like, we spend a lot of time together and now he's going to spend time with you and that's great, that will make him happy but. But I miss him and I don't know how to not miss him and I'm really scared he's not going to want to be with me anymore. And that's not really fair of me to think, is it?"

"I think you should stop thinking about things in terms of fair and not fair."

William pulls back far enough that he can look at Freddie's chin. He wants to say something but he doesn't really know what. He wonders if he could call Nicke and have him and Freddie chat and then they could just tell William what's up afterwards. He's so tired.

"Okay," Freddie says and his hands move from their slow circles to William's face. "I'm going to say something."

There's something complicated going on in William's throat. He nods.

"You're allowed to feel whatever you feel," Freddie says. "But no one can help you if they don't know what's going on."

"I know."

"He's missing you too," Freddie says and oh great, now William's crying again.

"Feelings are hard," he says, face still cupped in Freddie's enormous hands. "And messy. And complicated."

Freddie's face goes still and then he smiles, bright. "How's this for complicated?"

 

Kissing Freddie Andersen is not like kissing Auston Matthews. 

William hardly has time to think that before the kiss is over. When he opens his eyes Freddie has only pulled back a little bit.

"You taste like Burt's Bees," William says.

"You taste like beef pho," Freddie says.

"Was that a good idea?"

"Not sure yet." Freddie's hands are still on either side of William's face. It is possible that if he ever let's go William's entire life will crumble around them. "I just knew I wanted to. And I don't think it'll make things any worse."

William laughs for so long he gets all weepy and nose-gucky again. Freddie goes to retrieve kleenexes from Kappy's room, then sits next to him on the couch again. He rubs a hand up and down William's side until everyone's breathing normal again.

"It was lovely. The kiss."

"You're lovely," Freddie says and oh. 

"Well," William says, wondering what face Nicke is going to make when he tells him about all of this. "What's one more, really?"

 

_hey i miss you  
u doing anything_

_Right now?  
I'm literally just watching mo and gards play smash_

_wanna come over_  
_[eyes]_  
_i have a surprise and everything_

_Give me 20min  
Want me to pick up food_

_i ordered pizza  
[smile]_

_You're amazing_  
_I'm passing LCBO_  
_Red or white_

_both pls  
[yellow heart] [yellow heart] [yellow heart]_

 

things to remember  
-you are loved!!!!!!!!!!  
-david has kappys copy of titanic and kappy wants it back  
-nicke is only pretending to not like drunk voicemails  
-you cannot control feelings but u can control how u act!!!!!!  
-ask ppl for help!!!!!  
-book dentist appt (tues or fri aft.)

 

Auston sits between them on the couch and stuffs his face with his specially ordered medium Hawaiian pizza. His arm is around William's shoulders and his fingers are tangled with Freddie's and there's still a bubbling in William's tummy but it's okay. It's going to be okay.

"One day at a time," Freddie says.

"Yes," William says. He picks a piece of ham off Auston's pizza and pops it into his own mouth.

"You know what they say," Auston says, tugging William in closer. "Three is nice, but four is like the best."

"I have heard people say that."

They watch Back to the Future because it's on the Movie Network. Well, they start to. But Auston's lap is like, right there, and Freddie was the first to break anyhow so William should not be judged for getting all up in Auston's business.

Watching them kiss is fun. Getting to kiss them is fun. William should have talked to Auston ages ago.

"I can't believe Mitchy was right," he says, smooching all over Freddie's face.

"I...need more context," he says.

Auston opens his mouth but is interrupted by the opening of the front door. They look over to see Kappy with one headphone in, bag of takeout in his left hand, mouth all goldfish.

They blink. He blinks, then sighs for approximately sixteen seconds

"Honestly," Kappy says. "I don't know what I expected."

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me @[butternutstyles](http://butternutstyles.tumblr.com/)


End file.
